Faltering

I now consider myself to have quit officially. But maybe I shouldn't. I am now 0 for 2 at resisting a cigarette whilst drinking. Another thing: I'm planning on heading out tonight and tomorrow night as well. That means, if there are cigarettes available for the next two days, I'll most likely indulge.

However, during the day I don't think about them. It's not as though I look forward to the night so I can drink... so I can smoke. It's not like that at all. I literally have no thought in my head of nicotine. It's just so hard to resist when I'm drinking and the smell of cigarettes floats through the bar doors and makes me realize that I'm missing something from my drunken experience...

We'll see what happens.

Day 6: 0 so far
Total after The Decision: 5 cigarettes

A Night Out

I went out to the bar last night. In my hometown there's this bar on main street that starts domestics for $.75 at 9:00 and they add $.25 every hour. Needless to say, by 10:30 I was a little more than tipsy shall we say? I admit that I, in full knowledge (but having no care for) of my actions, bummed three cigarettes. I smoked half of two of them, so I guess it only amounts to smoking two whole cigarettes, but I did want to put it out there that I did bum three.

Anyway, I feel all right about it. For my first night of excessive drinking since I made The Decision, things could have been much worse.

The Other Hand

So yesterday I cracked. I was walking to class and all across campus there were people everywhere with cigarettes. I was surrounded, swamped. When I got to my building, there were people everywhere, the scent of tobacco drifting on the breeze. I sat down out front of the class and battled with myself - should I try to bum one?

When finally I had lost the battle with the nicotine monster, I looked around, trying to find someone who wasn't smoking a menthol. But as I scanned the crowd of students enjoying the sun, I couldn't spot a single cigarette. By the time I had surrendered to the monster on my back, all of the smokers had finished and dispersed.

Feeling simultaneously cheated and saved, I went around to the back of the building where my class was held. Sitting out back in the sun was this guy in my class. I never knew his name, but we talked from time to time in between class. I sat down next to him and he held out a cigarette. "Want one?"

I shook my head but reached for it anyway. He lit it. HEAVEN.

The wonderful rush filled me, and as I felt it, I realized I didn't want it or need it.

When I woke up this morning everything went my way. The sun is shining and there's a slight breeze. I feel like I can smell the spring. What's more is I haven't had a single craving yet. I think, despite my slip up yesterday, that I've actually kicked the damn thing.

Here's hoping!
Day 4: cigarettes 0